"Our Terry Fox Run"
~ A reflection from Tobie (Grade 4) and Rock (one of our fabulous teachers)
 

This year we raised $1,311 for cancer research through the Terry Fox run, an increase of about $400.00 from last year. We do not take your generosity for granted especially in these challenging times. 

We did the Terry Fox run outside over two days because of COVID-19. We did the run as a relay race for one hour, each team (normally 4 people) was challenged to run 40 laps in recognition of the 40^th anniversary of the Terry Fox Run. Incredibly, each team either met or surpassed this goal. Our school-wide total of kilometers ran was 105. 

Notable accomplishments: Jack in Grade six ran 40 laps by himself, Izabella in Grade four donated $500 from the profits of her business where she sells decorative and allergy-sensitive soaps. And our resident “Terry Fox” Tobie ran on crutches (she’s recovering from a broken bone in her ankle) without skipping her turn in the rotation. 

We are sincerely grateful to:  

• Marija (Izabella’s Mom), Katherine (Grayson’s Mom), and Heidi (Tobie and Isaiah’s Mom) for all the delicious treats and refreshments! 
• Our super staff who helped with the setup, clean up, and rousing enthusiasm! In particular, we would like to acknowledge Jon for taking care of the logistics associated with providing excellent music and sound. 
• To everyone who donated to our run this year! 

Thank you one and all! 

~ Tobie & Rock 

Dear Diane,
Question: “How do you respond when another child calls your child names?

Answer: Parents need to figure out who “owns” the problem. In this case, it is your child’s problem, because it is the child who is involved and feels the impact of it directly.  Do not make it yours. Stop the participants long enough to ask: “What happened?” This shows that you are open and not accusatory. Using the words, “Talk to me!” can reduce the emotion, so that their brains (and ours) can still access the prefrontal cortex. When they are talking, they are not screaming. Have each one sit. Give them a piece of apple, or some other healthy snack or tea, because this relaxes them. Let each one explain how they got to name-calling. As they speak, listen intently, and then reflect back the core of their messages and the feelings they have. One person at a time. Let each one have their say, and if one wants to break in, turn to that person and tell them gently that they will have their turn. Ask each one to repeat back to the other, what they heard. Make sure they have gotten the idea and add bits they forget to mention. Sometimes, simply knowing that the other person has heard them will defuse the situation entirely, and they will turn away with their arms around each other’s shoulders. I have seen this. 

Usually, most impulsive name-calling indicates a conflict that broke down, and frustration is the only thing left. It simply indicates a failure to convince the other child of giving what that child wanted. Hitting out is another common response that we do not like, either. Name-calling is always intended by the child as a punishment delivered to a person who did not comply with a request. They feel helpless. Still, they may not be justified in their expectations, and they need to learn to deal with sometimes not getting what they want. They need to develop resiliency and trust. 

If the child who name calls is not yours, you may want to bring it up with their parents, if that family matters to you. Be diplomatic. Focus on the facts and on your child’s feelings. It would be useful for that child’s life experience to realize that he/she needs to behave like a friend, in order to have a friend. 

The impulsivity involved in most name-calling, in itself, needs guidance from adults, in terms of suggesting that when they speak before thinking, usually hurt feelings result. Children’s brains are not developed enough to always prevent such impulsivity, and it is not appropriate to be too harsh on children when they do not successful contain their anger. At the same time, adults involved must pass along the message that no amount of negative emotion justifies bad behaviour. There was a poster at Banbury that said, “You are allowed to be mad; you are not allowed to be mean.” When children are angry, they need time to calm down, and if they can do so in your presence, in your lap or in your arms, so much the better. Some children will not allow that, and they need time to sort things through on their own. It is best if they can talk things out later. Parents are helpful as guides. in If you choose to give your insight, do it AFTER you have heard the full story, and only after asking if they want to hear how you see the situation. 

Afterwards, parents can also point out the positive results of what the child sees only as negative. This is partly a matter of seeing a situation from a different perspective. This method of finding the positive results of a situation that caused anger has been shown through research to be one effective way of moving past it. This is a note to parents for themselves, too. 

Each child experiences different issues within each incident. Success is achieved if parents enable their children to understand the particular issues they had during the incident that led to name-calling, and also to identify potential solutions. Each child needs to speak their mind, and both children can aim to search for a win-win solution they can agree on. Always emphasize that all people’s feelings matter, and that reciprocity can be achieved the next time if it cannot be achieved this time. They need to learn to care for others, as well as for themselves, and they need to hear this message often. Mutual respect needs to occur all the time.

In the end, our children are not ourselves. Although we do have huge responsibilities to guide and assist our children, we are responsible for our actions, and they are responsible for theirs. They can improve, time after time. They need to see hope for themselves, and you need to know that you can give up perfection as your parental goal. Sometimes your children blow it, just like you do. This can be a time of learning—learning what does not work. Talk to your children about it. Be a non-anxious presence in their lives. Most of these incidents are not life-changing, and they need to learn that they will ultimately learn how to handle everything.